Moving the Scale

Today I reached a great weight loss milestone...I moved the scale bar...you know, the BIG one! This marks more than 70 pounds of weight loss in a year and three months! I feel so good about myself. Twenty pounds to go and then the breast reduction!! Of course there are all sorts of questions that surround that...especially the "Am I going to have any more children?" one. I really don't want to think about that right now. So I won't. I'm a little frustrated at work right now. I really feel "roped" into our Artifacts event. I feel that my time could be spent better other places and in other ways. If they brought me in to develop individual giving...shouldn't I be working on that instead of the minutia of planning this special event that really doesn't raise a ton of money. Although today, (someone at lunch, I can't remember who) mentioned that maybe it's a GOOD thing that I don't have much information from the past two years to work from. This year the event will truly be fresh and new since I have no idea what the past events have been like. I just hope that my committee steps up to the plate. Feeling better after a rough week last week. I don't know if it was the hormones, stress, or a combination of all things and oh, yeah, the fact that I have a BRAIN DISORDER...that might have something to do with it. It's hard to see how well I've been doing when I get stuck down in that doomy, gloomy place. My parents have been so supportive the past two weeks, with my not feeling well and with helping with Nicholas while he's been sick. I don't know what'd we do without them. I sometimes wish I could be less dependent on them. I've tried to network with other moms, but it just doesn't seem to have worked out. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we don't live in a "neighborhood" so I don't get that sense of community. Although, I'm not sure if it is like when we were growing up and most of the moms stayed home and formed their little communities that way. I tasted life as a SAHM and have decided it's not for me. It's the toughest job in the world! I needed some intellectual stimulation, time with adults, me time. Work provides this for me, plus I feel like I'm giving back and using my talents. Frankly, sometimes I just don't feel that "talented" as a mom. Sometimes I think I hold myself up to unreasonable standards (namely up to my mom). I guess I'm a good mom in my own right...I'm raising Nicholas the best way I know how. Actually, I think going back to work has made me a better mom. I like spending time together with Nicholas more (except in the morning...but let's face it, I don't like doing ANYTHING in the morning). I'm trying to get stuff done around the house, but just don't feel motivated. I talked with J about it yesterday and it was good to get things off my chest. He seems receptive, now lets just see how he follows up on that. I wish J and I just set aside more time to talk. I miss talking with him...but then when we have time to talk, I feel like we don't have a lot to talk about. What did we used to talk about for hours on end? This really is a stream of consciousness...but it feels good to just let some of these thoughts out. Time to go relax...wanted to stop at the library today for a new book, but that didn't happen. Maybe tomorrow. "Tomorrow is another day." :)